In a Funk

This week there have been lots of soldiers returning home to their families and loved ones.  I have a friend whose husband returned this week and I was so happy and excited for their family. 

However, with all these glad emotions for others comes very sad emotions for me.  I will honestly admit that i'm jealous that these women (and some men i'm sure) are getting their soldier back and we are still waiting.  It feels wrong and selfish to say that but it's how I feel. 

We are, hopefully, almost mid-way through this but it still seems like a lifetime away.  Chad will be coming home on R&R in a while and i'm afraid that once he gets here i'm not going to be able to let him go again.  I know I will have to, but i'm not going to do it willingly and it's going to be very hard for me to tell him goodbye since we weren't there when he actually left the first time.  We said our goodbyes at the car and then I quickly drove away while he sat there for another couple hours waiting to leave.  I felt like I was robbed of the time with him due to the decisions we made and I hate that we missed that time.   

I've never felt so vulnerable in my life.  Even when he went to Korea for a year I didn't feel this raw all the time.  I feel like a dying leaf that easily gets blown off the tree in the fall.  One small breeze and i'm going to fall.  I have alot of emotions going through me right now: fear, anger, sadness, loneliness, anxiety, apprehension..... and they just have nowhere to go.  Tears so easily spring to my eyes these days, it's just ridiculous.  I'm stronger than this so why is this deployment hitting me so hard? 

I feel like I have other people (besides my kids) looking to me to provide the example on how to handle this deployment and I put on a good front while i'm slowly falling apart inside.  When is it my turn to fall to pieces? 

Never take advantage of having the one you love right there beside you.  Take them in your arms every chance you get, kiss them frequently, show them that you love them with all your heart and make them feel it.  Don't assume that you have tomorrow or the next day to show your love to them and make them feel it.    

Hair Mess

Yesterday I decided to have my hair colored red at a salon in the mall.  I wanted to have a woman I know do it but the salon she works at was completely booked all weekend.  I would have waited but my stepmom is here this weekend so it was really my only chance.  I called several different salons and they were all booked so my last option was the mall. 

I chose a red swatch and while it wasn't as bright as I thought it would be I liked it well enough when I left the salon.  However, when I got home and was looking in the mirror, it looked like there was a small section that didn't take the color well.  My stepmom noticed too.  This morning after my hair was washed and dried, we looked again and noticed a patch in the back of my head as well.

I called the salon and the woman that did my hair answered the phone.  She didn't say her name but I recognized her voice.  I told her the problem and she asked who my stylist was and I said her name.  Even though it was her on the phone, she kept referring to herself in the third person and acted like it wasn't her on the phone.  Weird!  She basically told me that I had to come in when she was working so she could fix it.  Or her manager was the only other one that could do it.  I explained to her that I can't come in during her hours because I have no sitter and my husband is in Iraq.  So she was supposed to call her manager and call me back. 

I went downstairs and was looking at my hair in a different mirror with different light and it didn't look as bad so I said screw it and called the salon back, told them to forget it and i'll just live with it.  I wouldn't want her to "fix" my hair anyway if she screwed it up the first time.  Next time I will just wait for my friend to be available and let her do it. 

On a plus note, I did get two new outfits and am actually wearing one of them today and like it! 

Changes

I'm attempting to find a style that I like for my blog. I like the purple but am not in love with it. I have another one that i'm going to try soon. I found a site that has lots of tutorials on how to change up your blog so i'm going to be playing around for a while with my blog.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I decided to try and make the day special for the kids. I got up and made pink pancakes for breakfast this morning. I tried to make them heart-shaped with a metal cookie cutter but even though I sprayed it, the first one stuck so I decided that them being pink was enough.

I made them each a card last night after they went to bed and put their bags together. They each got chocolates and a small stuffed animal that Addison picked out. Her and Eli got theirs on Saturday when we went to the store but since Samuel wasn't here he had to wait until today.

Later I will make Valentine's Funfetti cupcakes and decorate with strawberry icing and pink sugar. Tonight they'll each get to pick their favorite meal and have that for dinner. I'm going to attempt to cook myself a steak and hope it comes out good. We will have a candlelit dinner and they can drink out of wine glasses.

Happy Valentine's Day to you!

I got a special surprise today!

The kids and I had just got done talking to Chad online and we were all sitting at the table when the doorbell rings. It was the postman with a package for me. I wasn't expecting anything but a shipment of books from Operation Paperback, but it wasn't from them.




It was postmarked Iraq so I thought it may be a surprise from Chad, but it wasn't. I opened it to find this:

It's from Chad's unit! I'm the Family Readiness Group leader for his unit and was so shocked to get this today. It's absolutely awesome craftsmanship and i'm so thankful and happy to receive this!

Thank you Bravo Bulldogs!!

Disappointed

Today i'm really disappointed in the society around me. We got quite a bit of snow yesterday and our district decided to have school today with just a 2 hour delay even though everyone around us is closed. In order for me to go pick up my son after school (a friend picks him up for school everyday), I have to shovel my driveway so I can get out. Our driveway is uphill and not the shortest thing.

I went out early since there was no wind yet and the temp was a balmy 7*F. I donned a hat, scarf, two pairs of socks, and rubber boots, as well as two shirts and my coat and gloves. I started at the bottom of the drive because that's usually the thickest. I shoveled and shoveled. A neighbor from two doors down was out with his snowblower. He did the sidewalk and the drive of the neighbor right next to me. This man walked right by me twice, knows my husband is deployed, and didn't offer to use his nifty snowblower to do even a smidge of my driveway and I had alot of driveway left to do. I guess he thought it quite entertaining to watch me do it with a freaking shovel.

None of my neighbors have ever offered to help me shovel my drive. Don't get me wrong, i'm capable of doing it myself, have twice now while the kids run wild in the house with no supervision. Safe, huh? I think not. But it had to be done. However, my point is that my husband is deployed and I think it would be nice and neighborly to offer help with these kinds of things. Maybe i'm wrong and chivalry is really dead.

So i'm a little disappointed in society today and how much those who are left behind are forgotten. That is all.

Another snow day

We, yet again, have another snow day. I don't know how they are going to make all of these up but I imagine they'll be having school into June now, unless they take Spring Break, which would be my suggestion.

We have a few inches and are supposed to get more throughout the day and into tonight, however I don't think it's even snowing right now so there may or may not be school tomorrow. I'm supposed to have a meeting tomorrow that I will have to cancel if the roads are bad but I won't make that decision until tomorrow morning.

Yesterday I strung cutout construction paper hearts on thread and hung them around the house. Eli has already ripped one heart off a strand and i'm thinking Samuel accidentally ripped the entire strand down in the kitchen. They probably won't hold up until V-day.

I've been doing Zumba religiously! I finished my first 10 day stint doing the Sculpt and Tone recommended series and now i'm doing the Lose a Pant or Dress Size in 10 Days series. I'm not following their diet though because I don't care for half the stuff in it. My legs are already full of muscle and my arms are becoming more defined and there are some good muscles there too. My love handle area is definitely tighter and my flab in the front of my belly is shrinking as well. And I think my boobs are perkier. :) Can't go wrong with a program that's fun and does all that in 2 weeks.