Memories

I recently found out that a woman I know has a husband that is getting ready to deploy. I remember all to clearly what it's like in the pre-deployment part of a deployment. Especially since we went through it only a few months ago.

I don't miss the sudden urges to cry like there's no tomorrow but holding it in so Chad and the kids wouldn't see. There were so many times that I held it in and I regret doing that. Everyone needs a release and I held mine in for a long time. Maybe that's why this deployment has been so hard emotionally for me, because I didn't let myself express my feelings before. I remember breaking down one night after watching a movie. My father-in-law was here and the movie was so sad that I just lost it at the end and couldn't get control of myself. It was embarrassing to say the least.

I also don't miss the mad rush to make sure everything was up to par around the house and the cars were okay and everything was handled that needed to be. We spent most of our time pre-deployment making sure things were done around our new house instead of spending the time together. We bought a house 4 months before deployment and I don't recommend that to anyone. We missed so many precious moments of time that can never be gotten back. Yes, some things had to be done but alot of them could have waited. Chad was still doing things the day he left.

I certainly don't miss the time leading up to deployment day. Just knowing that it was coming and there was nothing you could do about it. The waiting and knowing was the hardest part.

I hate the feeling of dreaming about reunion day yet knowing that it's still so far away......