Sunday, October 10, 2010

Deployment is under way......

I know I haven't posted in a while and I'm going to try to do better. I would like to use this as a tool to vent my frustrations, share my joys and grief about this deployment and life in general. I always think of things to write in my head and then when I finally get time to put them in print, I flake out. But maybe this will enlighten others to the real life of some military spouses and help those that are in my shoes or will be soon.

My husband, Chad, has deployed to Iraq for an indeterminate amount of time. "Until Mission Complete" is NOT what you want to see on a set of orders. I won't lie and tell you it's easier every time they leave, because it's not. It brings on the same fears and worries and stress that it does every time, sometimes more because you've already had that taste of them being gone for a year and knowing that you have to do it again and probably several more times throughout their military career just makes it worse.

The Day

We took him to the designated area, dropped his bags into an ever growing pile of camo green, and then sat in the van in another designated area until the clock said it was time to go. We kissed and hugged our soldier goodbye and drove off wondering what the next year will bring and if he'll return safely to us.

It was my husband's idea for us not to stay to see him board the bus. He said it would be easier to just leave him instead of staying, anxiously waiting for it to happen. I agreed, but the farther I got from the base the more I wanted to turn around and soak up every last second of him that I could. Luckily I had somewhere else that I had to be so I couldn't turn around and go back.

I won't lie and say I held it together for the kids, because I didn't. I was a wreck and I'm a crier! However, they didn't see much of my breakdown because they were engrossed in a movie while I was driving and listening to the radio and crying my poor little eyes out.

I'll tell you, the worst part for me after the leaving is walking back into my house knowing that my husband won't be here for a very long time. I see all the little reminders of his presence, smell his cologne, see the indentation on his side of the bed where his body last lay. It sucks plain and simple!

I fully support my husband and the life we lead. I love our life together, just this part not so much.

3 comments:

happeningswithLana said...

Jessica, My prayers are with Chad and his squad as they are with you! I only hope this time goes by fast for you. You will make it because you are so strong.

teachermomof2 said...

Jessica~I will keep you, Chad and the kids in my prayers.

Peace and blessings,
Lisa

Mel said...

Jessica,
I will be keeping good thoughts for Chad. You and the kids will be just fine because you are an incredibly strong woman. I admire you so very much.